Why I Chose To Not Have Children

Something funny happens the moment you get married. Questions of, ‘When are you guys going to start having kids?’ comes up more often than not. I mean I get it. It’s like first comes marriage then comes the baby in the baby carriage? But why though? First off, what if I am incapable of having kids? I mean truthfully I’ve never tried; I don’t even know if I can. It’s so wrong to think that a woman can just bear a child for the mere fact that she’s a woman. Second, what if I don’t want them.

The closer I get to 30 the more this question of having children gets asked. Honestly, it doesn’t bother me at all. But it’s such a sensitive subject. Only sometimes it gets annoyinghaving to explain myself over and over again. Especially trying to explain to someone who has children and they just totally love having children, it puts me in a really hard spot.

To be honest, since I can remember I never wanted to be a mother. Like genuinely in my heart didn’t want to be a mother. I wasn’t sure why but as I get older I slowly start to understand my purpose in life and being a mother is not one of them. The idea sounds exhausting, time-consuming, and just plain hard. It’s a damn hard job. Trust me I see my girlfriends killing the mommy game and dang I commend them.

So here is my honest truth why I don’t want children and I hope if you are a 30 something like me; married or not, don’t feel so bad about not wanting children. Really you shouldn’t, there’s a lot of girls like us out there we just haven’t met them.

I love my freedom. My mom hated this of me! I thought I could do whatever I wanted to do; man did this get me in trouble. I was grounded for what felt like half of my life. When I was allowed out I never came home on time. I loved meeting new people and I really loved exploring. I am still like this. I am a creature of habit with my daily regimens but I also love that I can drop everything if I wanted to and just leave. Travel, go to the store, come home late without a worry in the world. I really love this. Like, REALLY love this. I have freedom with my career, money, life choices. I can choose how much I want to make because I only need to take care of myself.

I love to live stress free. Once I began an adult and was able to make my own decisions I worked so hard to not let the people around me affect how I was going to live my life. I work so hard to live stress free. Work how I want to work, go about my days how I want to go about. Being a mother is really hard and I don’t want to stress because there is a child who needs me.

I love my husband all to myself. I have so much fun with my husband. I love going on dates, exploring, and traveling with him. I feel so young with him! We do whatever we want. I don’t want to share his attention. Being with him still feels like we just met. I love him more and more everyday and I love building new memories with just him and I.

I am not guaranteed to be a good mother. This is a quite personal story of mine and it hurts me to even write this but growing up I didn’t really see eye to eye to my own mother. Growing up I did a lot with my mom because I was the only girl in my family with 2 older brothers. So she always made sure I was safe by her side. But we never really got along well. I made a lot of bad choices like being dishonest and not doing my chores. The typical teenage rebellious things so you can say I was grounded a lot, like a lot! I could never express myself to her without our conversation ending in an argument or agree to disagree. The older I got the worse it got. I would never disrespect my mother (my mom and dad did not raise me that way) but eventually I did move out because it was hard to live with her. I never wanted her to hate me, so I left before that could ever happen. Our relationship now is semi-cordial but we do spend more time apart than we do together 😦 . It’s been a hard pill to swallow. I wouldn’t want my daughter or son to feel what I felt growing up and although many will say I can be different I can learn from my own experiences I don’t want to find out.

Children are expensive. Children are not children forever, they grow up need new clothes, go to school which needs supplies, may perhaps need a car to get themselves to work/school, go to college. Eventually parents do start working really hard for their children. But I too work really hard for my money I would love to spend it on myself like travel, just have fun, buy fun things I’ve always wanted, maybe even get myself more education.

Someone asked me what were to happen if my husband and I were to get pregnant by accident. Well I am not a cold-hearted bi*** and I would keep my child- geez people! But trust me when I say I practice 99.9999% safe sex that pregnancy doesn’t happen. I am 100% positive I don’t want children and it’s been liberating to be open about it to others. If you too don’t want children don’t feel bad, you are free to choose how you want to live your life. The good thing is you are childless and you are not harming anyone. Making the choice for yourself is a good thing. Don’t ever do something that others think you should do. They will not be handling the responsibilities that you will have to experience.

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